Topic:

Across the world, local shops are closing due to losing customers to online competitors. What problems does this produce? And what solutions can you suggest to overcome them?

Essay:

Local stores has have [Grammar Error; It seems that the correct verb form here is “have”.] been shutting down their businesses due to which online shopping has a huge impact among many people. Moreover, people find online shopping interesting as it makes their lives more easier easier [Grammar Error; Use only “easier” (without ‘more’) when you use the comparative.] and , and [Punctuation Error; Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).; Checkout This Link] it results in closing down of local markets. This essay will discuss why this might be the case and and and [Possible typo: you repeated a word] how this problem can be addressed.

To begin with, halting local stores makes unemployment for people who work for daily wages. For instance, every local outlet contains more than 5-10 5–10 [Punctuation Error; If specifying a range, consider using an en dash instead of a hyphen.; Checkout This Link] people working right from billing to packing things. Closing down these stores not only makes them joblessness but also makes them hard to meet both the ends. Another point to consider, small accomodities including soaps, grains, shampoos etc cannot be ordered online as it costs more than the actual products.

To devastate this issue, these super markets supermarkets [Grammar Error; This is normally spelled as one word.] can collaborate with the giant tech companies and , and [Punctuation Error; Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).; Checkout This Link] together they can introduce home delivery system apps that can deliver products to the buyer's home or work place. In addition to that, they can improve the quantity of the products that are delivering to the purchaser. This can grasp more attention of consumer to take a look at these online marts. Apart from this, these store owners all together can form a community and can discuss how well these stores can be upgraded and how good they can all work to grab customer's attention.

In conclusion, making things easy for user and using the technology to make these stores more reliable can grab the user's attention and bring back lost glory to these online supermarkets.

5.5
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and Cohesion
6.0 - Lexical Resource
5.5 - Task Response
6.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
How to improve your band score?
Work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not fully developed. This would increase your Coherence Band from 5.5 to 6.0.
Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Ideas logically sequenced
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow. Repetitive use of 'these' and 'can' can be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases.
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
There are instances where referencing and substitution could be improved for clarity. For example, in Paragraph 3, 'these' is used repetitively without clear reference. Using specific nouns or pronouns can enhance clarity and coherence.
- 🟡 All paragraphs have central topic
Paragraph 2 lacks a clear central topic sentence as it discusses multiple points without a clear focus. Each paragraph should have one central topic to maintain coherence and cohesion.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The flow between paragraphs is not always clear. For instance, the transition from Paragraph 3 to Paragraph 4 could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion.
- Proper Paragraphing
You need to work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not proportional and not fully developed. Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Complex phrasing used correctly
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
halting local stores should be 'closing local stores'
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
The student has some repetition in the essay. For instance, 'local stores' is repeated multiple times. To enhance word variety, the student can use synonyms such as 'neighborhood shops' or 'community stores'.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
devastate this issue should be 'address this issue'
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay lacks a variety of sentence structures, mostly consisting of simple sentences. To enhance the essay's complexity and engagement, incorporating more compound and complex sentences would be beneficial. For instance, in the second paragraph, instead of 'Another point to consider, small accomodities including soaps, grains, shampoos etc cannot be ordered online as it costs more than the actual products.', a complex sentence could be used to provide a more detailed explanation.
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some sentence structure errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, 'Local stores has been shutting down their businesses' should be 'Local stores have been shutting down their businesses' to match subject-verb agreement.
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
There are instances of incorrect verb tense usage in the essay. For example, 'This essay will discuss why this might be the case and and how this problem can be addressed.' should be 'This essay will discuss why this might be the case and how this problem can be addressed.' to maintain consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are punctuation errors throughout the essay that impact readability. For instance, 'This essay will discuss why this might be the case and and how this problem can be addressed.' should have proper punctuation like 'This essay will discuss why this might be the case and how this problem can be addressed.' to improve clarity and flow.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: Local stores has been shutting down their businesses due to which online shopping has a huge impact among many people.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Subject-verb agreement error. "Has" should be "have" to match the plural subject "stores."
Correction: Local stores have been shutting down their businesses due to losing customers to online shopping.

Explanation: The subject "stores" is plural, so it requires the plural form of the verb "have."

Sentence: Moreover, people find online shopping interesting as it makes their lives more easier and it results in closing down of local markets.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Incorrect comparative form. "More easier" should be corrected to "easier."
Correction: Moreover, people find online shopping interesting as it makes their lives easier and results in the closure of local markets.

Explanation: The correct comparative form of "easy" is "easier," not "more easier."

Sentence: This essay will discuss why this might be the case and and how this problem can be addressed.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Repetition of the word "and."
Correction: This essay will discuss why this might be the case and how this problem can be addressed.

Explanation: Avoid unnecessary repetition of words like "and" for better coherence and cohesion in writing.

Sentence: To begin with, halting local stores makes unemployment for people who work for daily wages.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: Lack of clarity in explaining how closing local stores leads to unemployment.
Correction: To begin with, the closure of local stores results in unemployment for people who rely on daily wages.
Explanation: It is important to clearly explain the connection between closing local stores and unemployment to address the task prompt effectively.