Sentence: Television has been an essential tool for human beings. Therefore, this debate will express different opinions about whether raising your child alongside the TV will have a bad impact on your child or a good one.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Lack of coherence in connecting the introduction to the main topic of the essay. Incorrect use of pronouns.
Correction: Start with a clear topic sentence that directly addresses the prompt. Use consistent pronouns throughout the essay.
Explanation: The introduction should clearly introduce the topic and provide a preview of the main points to be discussed in the essay.

Sentence: it's widely common to raise ungrown kids alongside technology, especially the TV because it has plenty of benefits, such as keeping the child up to date with the latest technological activities and increasing the opportunity to explore more cultures and their thoughts.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Lack of subject-verb agreement (it's -> it is). Awkward phrasing ("ungrown kids").
Correction: Use correct subject-verb agreement (it is) and rephrase "ungrown kids" to "young children."
Explanation: Proper grammar usage is essential for clarity and coherence in writing.

Sentence: therefore, surrounding your boys with electronic devices, and for instance, TV will enhance the percentage of having more adaptive children. in addition, more interaction with television will improve the acceptance of new communities and cultures.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: Lack of balance in discussing both views as per task requirement.
Correction: Provide arguments supporting how watching TV can have negative impacts on children as well to present a balanced view.
Explanation: It is important to address both perspectives equally in order to fully answer the question.

Sentence: on the other hand of this debate, this part of the essay will express the idea that watching TV affects the body state of children, According to the latest research, raising your children in anti television community will produce a majority of fabulous children's communication skills, as well as saving them from many side effects.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Inappropriate use of vocabulary ("fabulous" communication skills).
Correction: Choose more appropriate vocabulary that fits academic writing standards (e.g., strong communication skills).
Explanation: Using overly informal or exaggerated language can detract from the credibility of your argument.

Sentence: furthermore, involving your children's daily life routine with television will cause side effects that will harm their own bodies such as lower optical functionality, obesity problems, and inefficient bodies, spending more time watching TV might cause many problems, so parents should schedule their children's time in an effective way.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Lack of parallel structure in listing side effects. Awkward phrasing ("inefficient bodies").
Correction: Ensure parallel structure when listing items (e.g., lower optical functionality, obesity issues), use clearer language ("inefficient bodies" -> physical health issues).
Explanation: Maintaining parallel structure helps improve readability and organization in writing.

Sentence:I would argue that raising your children alongside social life will help make more adaptive children and more aware of life and enable them to contact and deliver their thoughts explicitly.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error:Lack of clarity in expressing ideas due to awkward phrasing ("enable them to contact").
Correction:Simplify phrasing for better clarity ("enable them to communicate their thoughts effectively").
Explanation:Avoiding convoluted expressions helps convey ideas clearly.

Your Rewritten Essay

Television has become an indispensable tool in modern society, sparking a debate on its impact on children's development. While some advocate for exposing children to TV for its educational benefits, others caution against the potential negative effects. This essay leans towards the perspective of fostering children in an environment that minimizes television exposure.

Proponents of integrating technology, particularly television, into children's lives argue that it facilitates staying abreast of technological advancements and encourages cultural exploration. Exposing youngsters to diverse programming can enhance their adaptability and broaden their cultural awareness. Increased engagement with television content can foster acceptance of different communities and traditions.

Conversely, detractors contend that excessive TV viewing can detrimentally affect children's physical well-being. Recent studies suggest that limiting exposure to television can significantly improve children's communication skills and shield them from adverse effects. Nurturing children in a screen-free environment rich in social interactions can help them develop a nuanced understanding of life and cultivate active personalities. Excessive screen time may lead to various health issues such as visual impairments, obesity, and overall physical lethargy; hence, parents must regulate their children's screen time effectively.

In conclusion, advocating for a childhood devoid of excessive television exposure promotes adaptability and enhances children's cognitive development. Encouraging real-life interactions enables youngsters to articulate their thoughts confidently and navigate life experiences more effectively.

Improved Sentences

• 1. Original:
  it's widely common to raise ungrown kids alongside technology Improved:
  Integrating technology into the upbringing of young children is prevalent Reason:
  The improved sentence uses formal language 'integrating' instead of colloquial 'ungrown kids,' enhancing the academic tone.
• 2. Original:
  surrounding your boys with electronic devices Improved:
  Exposing children to electronic devices Reason:
  The revised sentence is gender-neutral and more inclusive.
• 3. Original:
  growing up your boys with a life fully filled with social activities will help them Improved:
  Nurturing children in an environment rich in social activities will assist them Reason:
  The improved sentence is more precise and formal.

Suggested better vocabulary

• indispensable
• fostering
• proponents
• adaptability
• engagement
• detractors
• detrimentally
• shield
• nurture
• nuanced
• lethargy