Topic:
A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?
Essay:The development of a country usually goes to the advantages of the urban areas compared tot the countryside. Usually, it can create unequal living standards and overcrowded cities. On the other hand, the government can minimize the gap by initiating distributive job opportunities and extensive human resource management all over the regions.
To begin with the consequence of priotitizing the cities over rural areas, it has negative impact on the even distribution of basic human rights. For example, the educational accessibility in Nyang-Lay-Pin village is totally lower than the chances in Bago city in Myanmar. Likewise, Tangon has the best educational institutions rather than any other areas of the country. It sparks the another problem of overcrowded cities because of severely differences in earning a high salary and living conditions.
However, the consequences of uneven levels of situations and populated urban societies can be subsidized by the government in some ways. The first is to plan equal resources of the state, for instance, according to budget, human rights and related areas of health, economic, etc. The next suggestion is to arrange the administrative staffs to provide adequate services in villages as much as in the cities. This is because the teachers and health care personnels are relatively less than the hospitals with modern equipments at the central area of the country.
Overall, due to the uneven benefits of the countryside and urban regions, the public suffer from non-equity and overcrowded areas. It can be solved by minimizing the differences and spread the resources to be equal.
5.5
Overall Band Score
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and
Cohesion
5.0 - Lexical Resource
5.5 - Task Response
7.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
5.0 - Lexical Resource
5.5 - Task Response
7.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS
grading criteria.
- ✔️Proper Paragraphing
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
While you have used some cohesive devices like 'however' and 'likewise', there is a reliance on basic connectors. For instance, 'On the other hand' and 'To begin with' are repeated. You could enhance your essay by incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as 'in addition', 'furthermore', or 'consequently'.
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
There are instances where referencing could be improved. For example, in Paragraph 2, the phrase 'the chances in Bago city' could be clearer if you used a pronoun or a definite article to refer back to 'educational accessibility'. This would help in maintaining clarity and avoiding repetition. Consider using pronouns more effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas.
- 🟡 Ideas logically sequenced
The ideas in Paragraph 2 are somewhat jumbled. You mention educational accessibility and then jump to overcrowded cities without a clear transition. A better sequence would be to first discuss the impact on education and then link it to the consequences of overcrowding. This would create a smoother flow of ideas.
- 🟡 All paragraphs have central topic
In Paragraph 2, the central topic seems to shift from educational accessibility to overcrowding without a clear topic sentence that encapsulates both ideas. A clearer topic sentence that introduces both aspects would help maintain focus. For example, you could start with a sentence that highlights the impact of urban prioritization on both education and population density.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The flow between paragraphs is not always clear. For instance, the transition from Body 1 to Body 2 lacks a linking sentence that connects the problems discussed in the first body paragraph to the solutions in the second. Adding a transitional phrase at the end of Body 1 could improve this connection.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 5.0
Using IELTS
grading criteria.
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
There are some collocation issues, such as 'the advantages of the urban areas compared tot the countryside' which should be 'the advantages of urban areas compared to the countryside'.
- 🟡 Complex phrasing used correctly
The phrase 'the consequences of uneven levels of situations' is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as 'the consequences of uneven living conditions'.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
There is some repetition of words like 'areas' and 'cities'. Instead, you could use synonyms like 'regions' or 'localities' to enhance variety.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The term 'totally lower' is imprecise; a better choice would be 'significantly lower' to convey the intended meaning more effectively.
- 🟡 Spelling and word formation used correctly
There are spelling errors such as 'priotitizing' which should be 'prioritizing', and 'personnels' which should be 'personnel'.
- 🟡 Formal language used
The phrase 'the public suffer from non-equity' is too informal; a more formal expression would be 'the public experiences inequity'.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 7.0
Using IELTS
grading criteria.
- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay primarily uses simple and compound sentences. For example, 'It sparks the another problem of overcrowded cities...' could be improved with a complex sentence structure to enhance variety, such as 'This situation sparks another problem: overcrowded cities.'
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The sentence structure is mostly appropriate, but there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'the advantages of the urban areas compared tot the countryside.' It should be 'compared to the countryside.' This affects clarity.
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
There are inconsistencies in tense usage, particularly in the phrase 'it has negative impact' which should be 'it has a negative impact.' Additionally, using past tense for examples would provide clarity.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
Punctuation is inconsistent, particularly with commas. For instance, 'the teachers and health care personnels are relatively less than the hospitals with modern equipments at the central area of the country' could benefit from a comma before 'and' for clarity.
- 🟡 Major grammatical Errors are avoided
There are noticeable grammatical errors, such as 'the another problem' which should be 'another problem,' and 'personnels' which should be 'personnel.' These errors hinder clarity.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Point out major concerns:
Sentence: The development of a country usually goes to the advantages of the urban areas compared tot the countryside.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "compared tot" should be "compared to"
Correction: "compared to"
Explanation: This is a typographical error where "tot" is incorrectly used instead of "to," which affects clarity.
Sentence: To begin with the consequence of priotitizing the cities over rural areas, it has negative impact on the even distribution of basic human rights.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: "priotitizing" should be "prioritizing"; also, “the even distribution” should be “even distribution”
Correction: "prioritizing"; remove "the"
Explanation: A spelling error in “priotitizing” detracts from lexical accuracy. Additionally, using “the” before “even distribution” is unnecessary and makes the sentence awkward.
Sentence: It sparks the another problem of overcrowded cities because of severely differences in earning a high salary and living conditions.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: "the another problem" should be "another problem"; also, “severely differences” should be “severe differences”
Correction: "another problem"; change to "severe differences"
Explanation: The phrase “the another problem” is incorrect; it should simply be “another problem.” Furthermore, using “severely” as an adjective here is incorrect; it needs to be changed to “severe.”
Sentence: However, the consequences of uneven levels of situations and populated urban societies can be subsidized by the government in some ways.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The phrase “uneven levels of situations” is vague and unclear.
Correction: Replace with clearer terminology
Explanation: The phrase lacks precision. Using more specific language would enhance clarity regarding what aspects are being referred to.
Sentence: This is because the teachers and health care personnels are relatively less than the hospitals with modern equipments at the central area of the country.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "personnels" should be singular as "personnel"; also, use plural form for 'equipment'
Correction: Change to "personnel"; change to "equipment"
Explanation: The term 'personnel' is already plural; thus, adding an 's' makes it incorrect. Additionally, 'equipment' is an uncountable noun that does not take a plural form.
Sentence: Overall, due to the uneven benefits of the countryside and urban regions, the public suffer from non-equity and overcrowded areas.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Subject-verb agreement issue; it should be ‘suffers’ instead of ‘suffer’
Correction: Change to 'suffers'
Explanation: Since 'the public' acts as a singular collective noun in this context, it requires a singular verb form.
Sentence: It can be solved by minimizing the differences and spread the resources to be equal.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error:"spread" should be changed to its gerund form for parallel structure
Correction:"spreading"
Explanation:The verbs need to maintain parallel structure; therefore, both actions must use either gerund or infinitive forms consistently.
Sentence: The development of a country usually goes to the advantages of the urban areas compared tot the countryside.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "compared tot" should be "compared to"
Correction: "compared to"
Explanation: This is a typographical error where "tot" is incorrectly used instead of "to," which affects clarity.
Sentence: To begin with the consequence of priotitizing the cities over rural areas, it has negative impact on the even distribution of basic human rights.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: "priotitizing" should be "prioritizing"; also, “the even distribution” should be “even distribution”
Correction: "prioritizing"; remove "the"
Explanation: A spelling error in “priotitizing” detracts from lexical accuracy. Additionally, using “the” before “even distribution” is unnecessary and makes the sentence awkward.
Sentence: It sparks the another problem of overcrowded cities because of severely differences in earning a high salary and living conditions.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: "the another problem" should be "another problem"; also, “severely differences” should be “severe differences”
Correction: "another problem"; change to "severe differences"
Explanation: The phrase “the another problem” is incorrect; it should simply be “another problem.” Furthermore, using “severely” as an adjective here is incorrect; it needs to be changed to “severe.”
Sentence: However, the consequences of uneven levels of situations and populated urban societies can be subsidized by the government in some ways.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The phrase “uneven levels of situations” is vague and unclear.
Correction: Replace with clearer terminology
Explanation: The phrase lacks precision. Using more specific language would enhance clarity regarding what aspects are being referred to.
Sentence: This is because the teachers and health care personnels are relatively less than the hospitals with modern equipments at the central area of the country.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "personnels" should be singular as "personnel"; also, use plural form for 'equipment'
Correction: Change to "personnel"; change to "equipment"
Explanation: The term 'personnel' is already plural; thus, adding an 's' makes it incorrect. Additionally, 'equipment' is an uncountable noun that does not take a plural form.
Sentence: Overall, due to the uneven benefits of the countryside and urban regions, the public suffer from non-equity and overcrowded areas.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Subject-verb agreement issue; it should be ‘suffers’ instead of ‘suffer’
Correction: Change to 'suffers'
Explanation: Since 'the public' acts as a singular collective noun in this context, it requires a singular verb form.
Sentence: It can be solved by minimizing the differences and spread the resources to be equal.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error:"spread" should be changed to its gerund form for parallel structure
Correction:"spreading"
Explanation:The verbs need to maintain parallel structure; therefore, both actions must use either gerund or infinitive forms consistently.