A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas.
What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?
It is true that overall growth in a country’s living standards is often beneficial to people living in urban areas compared to the countryside. This phenomenon, however, can be worrisome as it can result in some social and economic problems, and I believe government’s role in addressing these resulting issues is critical.
One major problem associated with a disproportionate rise in living standards in a country is urban migration. Cities lure in more and more rural dwellers who move there in search of better prospects such as a well-paid job and access to better healthcare and education. This, in turn, leads to overcrowding in urban areas, which is accompanied by social issues like joblessness, space and food shortage and crime. To counter urban migration and its implications, the government should attempt to improve living standards in rural areas. This can be done with state investment in infrastructure and businesses in villages. Once the countryside is equipped with better public facilities and its economy is revitalized through subsidies, rural dwellers are more likely to stay there.
Unequal income distribution between cities and the countryside also underscores a major economic issue, which is lack of workforce in the agricultural sector. When people leave the countryside for cities, few people remain to do farm work such as growing food and raising cattle. This can, consequently, create nationwide food shortages due to low labor participation in the agricultural segment of the economy. The government intervention is yet again essential in mitigating this issue. It should offer financial incentives to farmers through subsidies so that they can raise wages. Alternatively, it can allow tax exemptions to farm owners and workers, which would encourage employment in the agricultural sector and fill the labor deficit.
In conclusion, an improvement in a country’s living standards, admittedly, benefits cities more than rural areas, and this can lead to urban migration and labor shortages in the countryside. The government can ameliorate this issue by investing its funds to improve living standards in rural areas and providing financial incentives to rural dwellers.
Overall Band Score
7.0 - Lexical Resource
8.0 - Task Response
9.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 9.0
Lexical Resource Feedback - 7.5
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 9.0
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The use of "is" after "migration" is incorrect. It should be "are" as the subject "problems" is plural.
Correction: One major problem associated with a disproportionate rise in living standards in a country are urban migration.
Explanation: The verb should agree with the subject, which is plural in this case.
Sentence: This, in turn, leads to overcrowding in urban areas, which is accompanied by social issues like joblessness, space and food shortage and crime.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The use of "and" before "crime" creates a parallel structure error. It should be "such as" instead of "and".
Correction: This, in turn, leads to overcrowding in urban areas, which is accompanied by social issues like joblessness, space and food shortage such as crime.
Explanation: When providing examples within a list, it's important to maintain parallel structure.
Sentence: Once the countryside is equipped with better public facilities and its economy is revitalized through subsidies, rural dwellers are more likely to stay there.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: The sentence lacks coherence as it does not directly address how it relates to reducing the problems caused by the rise in living standards benefiting cities more than rural areas.
Correction: To reduce the problems caused by the rise in living standards benefiting cities more than rural areas, once the countryside is equipped with better public facilities and its economy is revitalized through subsidies, rural dwellers are more likely to stay there.
Explanation: It's important for each point to directly relate back to addressing the problems mentioned in the prompt.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas. Make sure to pay attention to grammatical accuracy and coherence when structuring your sentences. Good job!
Improved Rewritten Essay using Your Ideas
It is undeniable that an increase in the overall standard of living within a nation tends to favor urban residents over those in rural areas. While this trend may give rise to various social and economic challenges, I firmly believe that the government plays a pivotal role in addressing these resultant issues.
One significant problem stemming from the disproportionate improvement in living standards across the country is rural-to-urban migration. The allure of better opportunities such as lucrative employment, improved healthcare, and access to superior education compels an increasing number of rural inhabitants to relocate to urban centers. Consequently, this leads to overcrowding in cities, giving rise to social issues such as unemployment, housing and food shortages, and increased crime rates. To mitigate the impact of urban migration, it is imperative for the government to focus on enhancing living conditions in rural areas. This can be achieved through state investment in rural infrastructure and businesses. By revitalizing the countryside's economy with subsidies and improving public amenities, rural residents are more likely to remain there.
Furthermore, unequal distribution of income between urban and rural regions highlights a significant economic challenge - a shortage of labor in the agricultural sector. As individuals migrate from rural areas to cities, there is a decline in agricultural workforce participation, leading to reduced food production and livestock farming. This can potentially result in nationwide food shortages due to inadequate labor resources within the agricultural segment of the economy. Government intervention is crucial in addressing this issue by providing financial incentives to farmers through subsidies aimed at increasing wages. Alternatively, tax exemptions for farm owners and workers could stimulate employment within the agricultural sector and alleviate labor shortages.
In conclusion, while improvements in a nation's standard of living predominantly benefit urban areas over rural regions, they can lead to urban migration and labor deficits in rural communities. The government can address these challenges by allocating funds towards enhancing living standards in rural areas and offering financial incentives to encourage residents to remain there.
Improved Sentences
- Original: One major problem associated with a disproportionate rise in living standards...
Improved: One significant problem stemming from the disproportionate improvement...
Reason: The improved sentence uses more sophisticated vocabulary (stemming) instead of basic language (associated with). It also provides a clearer explanation of the problem. - Original: When people leave the countryside for cities...
Improved: As individuals migrate from rural areas to cities...
Reason: The improved sentence uses
Suggested better vocabulary
- undeniable
- favor
- resultant issues
- compelling
- inhabitants
- revitalizing