Topic:

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas.

What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

Essay:

It is undeniable that an increase in the overall standard of living within a nation tends to favor urban residents over those in rural areas. While this trend may give rise to various social and economic challenges, I firmly believe that the government plays a pivotal role in addressing these resultant issues.

One significant problem stemming from the disproportionate improvement in living standards across the country is rural-to-urban migration. The allure of better opportunities such as lucrative employment, improved healthcare, and access to superior education compels an increasing number of rural inhabitants to relocate to urban centers. Consequently, this leads to overcrowding in cities, giving rise to social issues such as unemployment, housing and food shortages, and increased crime rates. To mitigate the impact of urban migration, it is imperative for the government to focus on enhancing living conditions in rural areas. This can be achieved through state investment in rural infrastructure and businesses. By revitalizing the countryside's economy with subsidies and improving public amenities, rural residents are more likely to remain there.

Furthermore, unequal distribution of income between urban and rural regions highlights a significant economic challenge - a shortage of labor in the agricultural sector. As individuals migrate from rural areas to cities, there is a decline in agricultural workforce participation, leading to reduced food production and livestock farming. This can potentially result in nationwide food shortages due to inadequate labor resources within the agricultural segment of the economy. Government intervention is crucial in addressing this issue by providing financial incentives to farmers through subsidies aimed at increasing wages. Alternatively, tax exemptions for farm owners and workers could stimulate employment within the agricultural sector and alleviate labor shortages.

In conclusion, while improvements in a nation's standard of living predominantly benefit urban areas over rural regions, they can lead to urban migration and labor deficits in rural communities. The government can address these challenges by allocating funds towards enhancing living standards in rural areas and offering financial incentives to encourage residents to remain there.

7.5
Overall Band Score
7.5 - Coherence and Cohesion
6.5 - Lexical Resource
7.5 - Task Response
9.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Good Vocabulary Used : disproportionate, allure, overcrowding, revitalizing, unequal
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 9.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Variety of cohesive devices used
- ✔️Referencing and substitution used
- ✔️Ideas logically sequenced
- ✔️All paragraphs have central topic
- ✔️Essay has clear flow
- ✔️Proper Paragraphing
- ✔️Paragraph Count
Lexical Resource Feedback - 7.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
- ✔️Complex phrasing used correctly
- ✔️Variety of words used to prevent repetition
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The vocabulary chosen by the student is generally precise and fits the topic. However, there is room for improvement in using more expressive and varied vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of the essay. For example, instead of using 'significant problem' repeatedly, the student could use 'pressing issue' or 'notable challenge' to avoid repetition and add depth to the writing.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 9.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
- ✔️Sentence structures are used appropriately
- ✔️Used appropriate grammar tenses
- ✔️Used punctuation accurately
- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: One significant problem stemming from the disproportionate improvement in living standards across the country is rural-to-urban migration.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The sentence lacks coherence and cohesion as it does not clearly connect to the main topic of how the rise in standard of living benefits cities more than rural areas. Also, there is a lack of grammatical accuracy in the use of "disproportionate improvement."
Correction: The sentence should be rephrased to directly relate to the topic and use more accurate language to convey the idea.
Explanation: The sentence needs to be revised to better connect with the main topic and use more precise language.

Sentence: Consequently, this leads to overcrowding in cities, giving rise to social issues such as unemployment, housing and food shortages, and increased crime rates.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The phrase "giving rise to" is repetitive and can be improved for better lexical resource.
Correction: Replace "giving rise to" with a different phrase like "resulting in" or "leading to."
Explanation: Using a variety of phrases will enhance the lexical resource and make the writing more engaging.

Sentence: Government intervention is crucial in addressing this issue by providing financial incentives to farmers through subsidies aimed at increasing wages.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The structure of the sentence is awkward due to redundancy in "aimed at increasing wages."
Correction: Remove "aimed at increasing wages" as it is redundant.
Explanation: Redundancy affects grammatical accuracy, so removing unnecessary words will improve clarity.

Overall, your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion with well-developed ideas. However, pay attention to using varied vocabulary and refining sentence structures for better grammatical accuracy.
Improved Rewritten Essay using Your Ideas
Your Rewritten Essay

It is irrefutable that an elevation in the overall standard of living within a nation tends to disproportionately favor urban dwellers over those in rural areas. While this phenomenon may give rise to various social and economic challenges, I firmly believe that the government plays a pivotal role in addressing these resultant issues.

One significant predicament stemming from the uneven improvement in living standards across the country is rural-to-urban migration. The allure of better opportunities such as lucrative employment, improved healthcare, and access to superior education compels an increasing number of rural inhabitants to relocate to urban centers. Consequently, this leads to overcrowding in cities, giving rise to social issues such as unemployment, housing and food shortages, and increased crime rates. To mitigate the impact of urban migration, it is imperative for the government to focus on enhancing living conditions in rural areas. This can be achieved through state investment in rural infrastructure and businesses. By revitalizing the countryside's economy with subsidies and improving public amenities, rural residents are more likely to remain there.

Furthermore, unequal distribution of income between urban and rural regions highlights a significant economic challenge - a shortage of labor in the agricultural sector. As individuals migrate from rural areas to cities, there is a decline in agricultural workforce participation, leading to reduced food production and livestock farming. This can potentially result in nationwide food shortages due to inadequate labor resources within the agricultural segment of the economy. Government intervention is crucial in addressing this issue by providing financial incentives to farmers through subsidies aimed at increasing wages. Alternatively, tax exemptions for farm owners and workers could stimulate employment within the agricultural sector and alleviate labor shortages.

In conclusion, while enhancements in a nation's standard of living predominantly benefit urban areas over rural regions, they can lead to urban migration and labor deficits in rural communities. The government can address these challenges by allocating funds towards enhancing living standards in rural areas and offering financial incentives to encourage residents to remain there.


Improved Sentences
  • Original: It is undeniable that an increase in the overall standard of living within a nation tends to favor urban residents over those in rural areas.
  • Improved: It is irrefutable that an elevation in the overall standard of living within a nation tends to disproportionately favor urban dwellers over those in rural areas.
  • Reason: The word 'irrefutable' adds emphasis on the statement making it stronger and more convincing.
  • Original: One significant problem stemming from the disproportionate improvement in living standards across the country is rural-to-urban migration.
  • Improved: One significant predicament stemming from the uneven improvement in living standards across the country is rural-to-urban migration.
  • Reason: The word 'predicament' conveys a sense of urgency and seriousness about the issue compared to 'problem'.
  • Original: Furthermore, unequal distribution of income between urban and rural regions highlights a significant economic challenge - a shortage of labor...
  • Improved: Furthermore, unequal distribution of income between urban and rural regions highlights a significant economic challenge - a shortage of labor...
  • Reason: No improvement needed.

Suggested better vocabulary
  • irrefutable
  • disproportionate
  • dwellers
  • phenomenon