A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Essay:Currently, an individual's values are judged according to their public status and material possessions. While outdated values such as trust, honor, and kindness are not essential anymore. Personally, I totally agree with the given statement. Principles such as faith, respect, and sympathy ought to be appreciated more than financial values or social prestige.
To begin with, a modern person's worth demonstrates only the outside of people. It is wrong to judge individuals by their clothes or beauty. Furthermore, a public position is nothing before a person's honor. You can use your status only to benefit yourself. Meanwhile, material possessions might be lost easily, while your kindness and faith will not. To give an example, many well-known companies around the world prefer to be respectful and trustworthy rather than show their social prestige or material values. Overall, it is truly essential to not judge people by their outside factors.
Secondly, society has to acknowledge people's outmoded principles. Despite the fact that it no longer seems important, some communities still appreciate others for their honor and faith. Most religions around the globe appeal to societies to follow God's rules, where dignity and trust are firmly necessary. Not only will it alleviate your mental condition, but your reputation among people as well. For instance, in the Muslim religion, you have to support poor families to have a bright soul and dignity. All in all, trust and honor are not to be bought with money.
In conclusion, modern individuals' values are overrated to be of standard worth. Moreover, outdated values, such as dignity and faith, are appreciated not only by other people in society but by many religions as well.
Overall Band Score
7.0 - Lexical Resource
7.5 - Task Response
8.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 8.0
Lexical Resource Feedback - 7.0
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 8.0
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Lack of clear transition between introduction and main body paragraph.
Correction: Add a transition word or phrase to connect the introduction with the main body paragraph, such as "Firstly," or "To begin with,".
Explanation: Adding a transition helps guide the reader through the essay structure.
Sentence: To begin with, a modern person's worth demonstrates only the outside of people.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Awkward phrasing - "worth demonstrates only the outside of people".
Correction: Revise to say "To start with, a person's value is often judged based solely on external appearances."
Explanation: Using clearer language improves understanding for the reader.
Sentence: Secondly, society has to acknowledge people's outmoded principles.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect verb form - "has to acknowledge" should be "should acknowledge".
Correction: Change "has to acknowledge" to "should acknowledge".
Explanation: Using the correct verb form improves grammatical accuracy.
Sentence: In conclusion, modern individuals' values are overrated to be of standard worth.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: Lack of clear restatement of opinion or summary of key points in conclusion.
Correction: Provide a brief summary of main points discussed in the essay and restate your opinion clearly.
Explanation: A conclusion should summarize key arguments and reiterate your stance on the topic.