A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly.
Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?
In the contemporary society, some people claim that tourism serves as a cornerstone of one country’s economic growth, while other people argue that it leads to negative impacts substantially due to mismanagement. The advantages and disadvantages of tourism will be stated. I think the profits gained in tourist industry take precedence over its advantages.
Undoubtedly, tourism plays a pivotal role in some countries’ economic development. When tourists visit sightseeing places such as in Suspension Bridge Park in Vancouver, they spend money on expensive entrance fees and luxury souvenirs, thus brining considerable revenue to stores. Moreover, it creates more job opportunities for citizens. For example, while many renowned restaurants are opened to cater for tourists’ expectation of delicacies, more waiters and chefs are needed. There is also a high demand for tour guides, flight attendants and drivers. Hence, it not only makes more profits for restaurants and travel agents, but also brings more wages to employees.
On the other hand, tourism results in environmental cost. Human activities in different places cause more pollution problems. For example, with more visitors going to Lynn Canyon Park, the rainforest becomes more crowded, which disrupts the lifestyle of the wildlife animals in the natural habitat. Also, with more inconsiderate visitors dumping rubbish and more ferries leaking patrol into the Victoria Habour in Hong Kong, the water is polluted, hence affecting the survival of the sea animals in the Ocean. So, tourism affects the nature adversely.
In my opinion, although there are some disadvantages, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The flourish of the economy is indispensable in society since it can reduce unemployment rate and enhance the quality life of life [Possible missing preposition found.] of residents. The disadvantages can be minimized by the government by implementing some regulations to protect our environment.
All in all, tourism boosts a country’s economy while it causes pollution problem. The incentives of economic growth are more vital than the side-effects side effects [Commonly Confused Words; Did you mean “side effects” (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.; Checkout This Link] brought to the environment.
Overall Band Score
6.5 - Lexical Resource
6.5 - Task Response
6.5 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 8.0
Lexical Resource Feedback - 7.0
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.5
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Lack of clear transition between the two contrasting viewpoints
Correction: Use transition words like "however" or "on the other hand" to clearly indicate the shift in viewpoint.
Explanation: The lack of a clear transition makes it difficult for the reader to understand the shift in perspective.
Sentence: I think the profits gained in tourist industry take precedence over its advantages.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Incorrect use of "take precedence over"
Correction: Use "outweigh" instead of "take precedence over"
Explanation: The phrase "take precedence over" is not commonly used in this context. It is more appropriate to use "outweigh" to express that one thing is more important than another.
Sentence: When tourists visit sightseeing places such as in Suspension Bridge Park in Vancouver, they spend money on expensive entrance fees and luxury souvenirs, thus brining considerable revenue to stores.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Spelling error - "brining" should be "bringing"
Correction: Replace "brining" with "bringing"
Explanation: The word "brining" is a spelling error. The correct word should be "bringing," which accurately conveys the intended meaning.
Sentence: Also, with more inconsiderate visitors dumping rubbish and more ferries leaking patrol into the Victoria Habour in Hong Kong, the water is polluted, hence affecting the survival of the sea animals in the Ocean.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect capitalization of "Harbour"
Correction: Change "Habour" to "Harbour"
Explanation: The word "Harbour" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific location (Victoria Harbour) and follows standard English capitalization rules for proper nouns.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points. Pay attention to coherence and cohesion by using appropriate transitions between contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure accuracy in spelling and capitalization for better clarity.
Improved Rewritten Essay using Your Ideas
Tourism is often considered a cornerstone of economic growth in many countries, yet its mismanagement can lead to significant negative impacts. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, and argue that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Undoubtedly, tourism plays a pivotal role in the economic development of certain nations. When tourists visit popular attractions such as Suspension Bridge Park in Vancouver, they contribute to the local economy by spending on entrance fees and purchasing luxury souvenirs, thereby generating substantial revenue for local businesses. Furthermore, it creates employment opportunities for citizens, with new restaurants opening to cater to tourists' culinary expectations, leading to increased demand for waiters and chefs. Similarly, there is a surge in demand for tour guides, flight attendants, and drivers. Consequently, not only does it boost profits for businesses and travel agencies but also provides higher wages for employees.
On the other hand, tourism has environmental costs. Increased human activity in natural areas leads to heightened pollution levels. For instance, the influx of visitors at Lynn Canyon Park disrupts the natural habitat of wildlife animals in the rainforest. Additionally, irresponsible behavior such as littering and fuel leakage from ferries at Victoria Harbour in Hong Kong pollutes the water, posing a threat to marine life. Therefore, tourism has adverse effects on nature.
In my view, despite these disadvantages, the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks. The economic prosperity it brings is essential for reducing unemployment rates and improving residents' quality of life. To mitigate these drawbacks, governments can implement regulations aimed at protecting the environment.
In conclusion, while tourism contributes significantly to a country's economy, it also poses environmental challenges. However, the economic incentives far outweigh the adverse impact on the environment.
Improved Sentences
- Original: I think the profits gained in tourist industry take precedence over its advantages.
- Improved: I believe that the benefits derived from the tourist industry outweigh its drawbacks.
- Reason: The improved sentence provides a clearer statement about prioritizing benefits over drawbacks without using ambiguous language like 'profits.'
- Original: Hence it not only makes more profits for restaurants and travel agents but also brings more wages to employees.
- Improved: Consequently, this not only increases profits for restaurants and travel agents but also raises wages for employees.
- Reason: The improved sentence uses stronger language ('increases profits' instead of 'makes more profits') and provides a clearer connection between increased profits and higher wages.
- Original: The incentives of economic growth are more vital than side-effects brought to environment.
- Improved: The economic incentives are more crucial than the adverse effects on the environment.
- Reason: The improved sentence uses stronger vocabulary ('crucial' instead of 'vital') and provides a clearer comparison between economic incentives and adverse effects.
Suggested better vocabulary
- cornerstone
- mismanagement
- pivotal
- revenue
- surge
- influx
- residents
- culinary
- littering
- posh
- pollutes