Topic:

A large number of deaths are caused by road accidents. Why do so many road accidents occur? Make recommendations that would help to reduce the number of road accidents.

Essay:

Multitude of mortals are triggered by fatal accidents. Overall, utilising dilapidated roads and incorrect transports on the roads are key cause of risky collisions. However, amplified legislation is productive answer of spoiling unsafe accidents.

Using defective roads and wrong transports on the roads are principal factors of hazardous accidents. Initially, disharmonious management systems of roads is causing unpleasant events. To clarify, wrongly managing of traffic lights and also infrastructures of roads are causing misunderstandings. Secondly , , [Incorrectly used dash or quote characters; Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma.] the relentlessly development [Grammar Error; You used an adverb (‘relentlessly’) instead of an adjective, or a noun (‘development’) instead of another adjective.; Checkout This Link] on activity of service provider and manufacturing businesses leads to tragic consequences for some people. To clarify, employees of diverse delivery services constant breaking of rules in order to use time quickly and also disturbing other vehicles are leading amount of accidents and miserable events. Hence , , [Incorrectly used dash or quote characters; Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma.] security level of roads are relentlessly exaggerating.

Enhanced legislation is efficient resolution of deteringdangerous incidents. To start with, employees activity of the traffic control service is more reinforced can be main factor of decreasing of road safety. Drivers who know they are under constant surveillance lead to mutual respect and ethical driving on roads. In the second place, persistently expanding penalties can make a big contribution to reducing the number of people are injured as a result of road traffic. For example, in order to prevent a large amount of financial damage road users begin to prefer more careful and safe movement. As a result, the number of accidents on the roads may decrease dramatically.

To conclude , , [Incorrectly used dash or quote characters; Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma.] incorrectly controlling of traffic lights as well as infrastructures on roads are generating confusion. On the other hand, operators who know they are under persistent supervision is able to mutual respect and ethical navigating on the road

6.0
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and Cohesion
6.5 - Lexical Resource
6.0 - Task Response
6.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Good Vocabulary Used : mortals, dilapidated, defective, disharmonious, relentlessly
How to improve your band score?
Work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 1 is not fully developed. This would increase your Coherence Band from 5.5 to 6.0.
Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️All paragraphs have central topic
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow. Repetition of phrases like 'To clarify' and 'On the other hand' can be avoided by using a wider range of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., furthermore, consequently) and pronouns for referencing. For example, in Paragraph 2, 'To clarify' is used twice in close proximity. To improve coherence, try using a mix of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
There are instances where referencing and substitution could be improved for better clarity. For instance, in Paragraph 3, the phrase 'Drivers who know they are under constant surveillance lead to mutual respect' could be enhanced by using pronouns like 'they' for better referencing. This would make the sentence more concise and coherent. To enhance coherence, ensure consistent and clear referencing throughout the essay.
- 🟡 Ideas logically sequenced
The ideas within paragraphs are somewhat logically sequenced, but there is room for improvement in transitioning between paragraphs. For example, the transition from Paragraph 3 to the Conclusion could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of ideas. To improve logical sequencing, consider using transitional phrases to connect paragraphs more effectively.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The flow from one paragraph to the next is somewhat clear, but there are areas where the connection could be strengthened. For instance, the transition from Paragraph 2 to Paragraph 3 could be smoother to maintain a coherent flow of ideas. To enhance clarity in the essay, work on improving the transitions between paragraphs.
- ❌ Proper Paragraphing
You need to work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 1 is not proportional and not fully developed. Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Complex phrasing used correctly
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
The student has used some collocations incorrectly in the essay. For example, 'Multitude of mortals' should be 'Multitude of fatalities' to convey the intended meaning more accurately. To improve, the student should focus on using collocations that are commonly used and accurately convey the intended message.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
The student has shown some repetition in the essay. For instance, 'employees' is repeated multiple times. To enhance word variety, the student can use synonyms like 'workers' or 'staff members'. It is important to vary the vocabulary to avoid monotony and improve the overall quality of writing.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
Some vocabulary choices in the essay do not fit the topic precisely. For example, 'dilapidated roads' could be replaced with 'poorly maintained roads' for more precision. To enhance the vocabulary precision, the student should carefully select words that accurately convey the intended meaning in the context of road accidents.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay lacks a variety of sentence structures, mostly consisting of simple sentences. For instance, more complex sentences could be used to provide detailed explanations and enhance the overall flow of the essay. To enhance sentence structure diversity, try incorporating compound and complex sentences to add depth and complexity to your arguments.
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some sentences with incorrect word usage and awkward phrasing that do not fit the context. For example, 'Multitude of mortals are triggered by fatal accidents' should be 'A large number of people are affected by fatal accidents.' The use of 'triggered by fatal accidents' is not appropriate in this context. To improve, focus on using clear and concise language that directly addresses the topic.
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
There are instances where incorrect verb tenses are used in the essay, such as 'Enhanced legislation is efficient resolution of detering dangerous incidents.' It should be 'Enhanced legislation is an efficient resolution to deter dangerous incidents.' To improve, pay attention to verb tense consistency and use appropriate tenses throughout the essay for clarity and coherence.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are several punctuation errors throughout the essay that affect the clarity and flow of ideas. For example, 'To clarify, employees of diverse delivery services constant breaking of rules in order to use time quickly and also disturbing other vehicles are leading amount of accidents and miserable events.' The lack of commas and incorrect placement of punctuation make the sentence confusing. To enhance clarity, focus on using commas appropriately to separate ideas and improve readability.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: Multitude of mortals are triggered by fatal accidents.
Error Type: Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The word "mortals" is not appropriate in this context. It should be replaced with "deaths" or "fatalities". Additionally, the sentence structure is awkward and needs to be revised for clarity.
Correction: Replace "mortals" with "fatalities" or "deaths". Restructure the sentence for better coherence and accuracy.
Explanation: Using inappropriate vocabulary can affect the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Sentence: However, amplified legislation is productive answer of spoiling unsafe accidents.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The phrase "productive answer of spoiling unsafe accidents" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. It needs to be rephrased for better understanding.
Correction: Revise the sentence to convey the intended meaning clearly, such as "However, implementing stricter legislation can effectively reduce unsafe accidents."
Explanation: Clarity in expressing ideas is crucial for effective communication in academic writing.

Sentence: To clarify, wrongly managing of traffic lights and also infrastructures of roads are causing misunderstandings.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: The phrase "wrongly managing of traffic lights" should be corrected to "mismanagement of traffic lights". Additionally, there is a lack of coherence in connecting ideas within the sentence.
Correction: Replace "wrongly managing" with "mismanagement". Improve cohesion by restructuring the sentence for smoother flow.
Explanation: Proper use of cohesive devices helps maintain logical connections between ideas in an essay.

Sentence: On the other hand, operators who know they are under persistent supervision is able to mutual respect and ethical navigating on the road
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Subject-verb agreement error - "operators who know they are under persistent supervision is able to mutual respect..." The verb should agree with the plural subject "operators".
Correction: Change "is able to" to "are able to". Revise the sentence for correct subject-verb agreement.
Explanation: Maintaining proper subject-verb agreement enhances grammatical accuracy in writing.
Improved Rewritten Essay using Your Ideas
Your Rewritten Essay

A significant number of fatalities are attributed to road accidents. In general, the use of deteriorating roads and inappropriate vehicles on the streets are primary causes of perilous collisions. However, implementing stricter regulations is a proactive solution to curbing unsafe accidents.

The utilization of faulty roads and improper vehicles on the streets are major contributors to hazardous accidents. Initially, inadequate road management systems lead to unfortunate incidents. For instance, mismanagement of traffic signals and road infrastructures results in confusion. Additionally, the rapid expansion of service providers and manufacturing industries leads to tragic outcomes for some individuals. Specifically, employees of various delivery services frequently disregard traffic rules in their haste to save time, thereby endangering other vehicles and increasing the incidence of accidents. Consequently, the safety standards of roads are continuously compromised.

Enhanced legislation serves as an effective measure in preventing dangerous incidents. Firstly, bolstering the activities of traffic control services can significantly reduce road hazards. Drivers who are aware of constant monitoring tend to exhibit mutual respect and adhere to ethical driving practices on the roads. Secondly, escalating penalties consistently can play a pivotal role in decreasing the number of casualties resulting from road traffic accidents. For example, the imposition of higher fines motivates road users to adopt more cautious and secure driving habits. Consequently, there may be a substantial decline in road accidents.

In conclusion, inadequate management of traffic signals and road infrastructures leads to confusion among drivers. Conversely, operators who operate under continuous surveillance tend to show mutual respect and practice ethical navigation on the roads.


Improved Sentences
  • Original: Using defective roads and wrong transports on the roads are principal factors of hazardous accidents.
  • Improved: The utilization of faulty roads and improper vehicles on the streets are major contributors to hazardous accidents.
  • Reason: The improved sentence uses more sophisticated vocabulary ('utilization' instead of 'using' and 'faulty' instead of 'defective') which enhances lexical resource.
  • Original: To clarify, wrongly managing traffic lights and also infrastructures of roads are causing misunderstandings.
  • Improved: For instance, mismanagement of traffic signals and road infrastructures results in confusion.
  • Reason: The improved sentence replaces 'to clarify' with 'for instance' for better coherence and uses stronger vocabulary ('mismanagement' instead of 'wrongly managing') for lexical enhancement.
  • Original: On the other hand, operators who know they are under persistent supervision is able to mutual respect and ethical navigating on the road
  • Improved: Conversely, operators who operate under continuous surveillance tend to show mutual respect and practice ethical navigation on the roads.
  • Reason: The improved sentence corrects subject-verb agreement ('operators...tend') for grammatical accuracy and uses more precise vocabulary ('continuous surveillance' instead of 'persistent supervision') for lexical improvement.

Suggested better vocabulary
  • fatalities
  • perilous collisions
  • stricter regulations
  • deteriorating roads
  • inappropriate vehicles
  • hazardous accidents
  • inadequate road management systems
  • mismanagement
  • tragic outcomes
  • delivery services
  • jeopardizing
  • compromised
  • enhanced legislation
  • bolstering
  • pivotal role
  • casualties
  • imposition
  • substantial decline