Topic:

A government’s role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure such as roads, water supply. All other services such as education, healthcare, social security should be provided by private entities.

Do you agree or disagree?

Essay:

The viewpoint that the governments have a sole responsibility in maintaining the infrastructure, army, and security, while the private sector ought to manage other essential services like health, education, and pension fund is contentious. I disagree with this concept because it affects the development and growth of the countries, and significantly impacts poor people.

I believe that leaving crucial sectors such as health, education, and social safety net to private institutions will have a noticeable impact on the growth and development progress of the countries. The link between the development in these important sectors and overall country growth surge the need for the governments to impose strategic goals and plans to be approached over the years. Therefore, the government’s neglect of the direct management of these sectors, leads to lack a concise plan and achieving clear outcomes in the long term. This is because the private sector always prioritizes the immediate gains over strategic benefits. For example, in the last decade, the education and health sectors in Yemen lacked the clear goals and strategic plans, and have witnessed a significant deterioration since the private institutions handled these sectors from the government.

In addition, the private sector’s handling of education, health, and safety net in the absences of the governmental supportive mechanism often makes these services out of reach for the poor people, therein lies the rub of political authorities, large number of whose people are destitute. This is leads to social inequality, where only the rich people can access the good health and education services. For example, UN reports revolve that the education and health services are unaffordable for the 50% of the population in Syria due to the government’s inability to support them.

In conclusion, leaving the private sector to take over the responsibility of the health, education, and social safety net has a significant impact on the countries’ development and growth. Furthermore, absences of the governmental supportive mechanism make proportion of people deprived of these services due to the economic disparities and their inability to afford the expenses of such services.

6.0
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and Cohesion
5.5 - Lexical Resource
6.0 - Task Response
7.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Proper Paragraphing
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
While you have used some cohesive devices like 'in addition' and 'for example', there is a reliance on similar phrases such as 'the private sector' and 'government' without varying your language. Try using synonyms or different phrases to avoid repetition, such as 'private entities' or 'public institutions'.
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
There are instances where pronouns could be used more effectively. For example, in Paragraph 2, instead of repeating 'the government', you could use 'it' after the first mention. This would help in reducing redundancy and improving flow.
- 🟡 Ideas logically sequenced
The ideas in Paragraph 2 are somewhat jumbled. You mention the lack of strategic goals and then jump to the private sector's focus on immediate gains without a clear transition. A better sequence would be to first discuss the lack of strategic goals and then explain how this leads to immediate gains being prioritized.
- 🟡 All paragraphs have central topic
Paragraph 3 introduces multiple topics: the private sector's handling of services and the resulting social inequality. It would be clearer if you focused on one main idea per paragraph, perhaps separating the discussion of service accessibility from the issue of social inequality.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The transition between Paragraph 2 and Paragraph 3 could be smoother. You could use a linking sentence at the end of Paragraph 2 that hints at the consequences of private sector management on social inequality, which would create a better flow into Paragraph 3.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
There are some collocation issues, such as 'the governments have a sole responsibility' which should be 'governments have a sole responsibility'. Additionally, 'the private sector ought to manage' could be improved to 'the private sector should manage'.
- 🟡 Complex phrasing used correctly
Some complex phrases are awkwardly constructed, like 'the link between the development in these important sectors and overall country growth surge the need for the governments to impose strategic goals'. This could be rephrased for clarity, e.g., 'the link between development in these sectors and overall country growth highlights the need for governments to set strategic goals'.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
There is some repetition of words such as 'development' and 'growth'. Instead of repeating 'development', you could use synonyms like 'advancement' or 'progress'.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
Some vocabulary choices are not precise, such as 'the private sector always prioritizes the immediate gains over strategic benefits', which could be more clearly stated as 'the private sector often prioritizes short-term profits over long-term benefits'.
- 🟡 Spelling and word formation used correctly
There are minor errors in word formation, such as 'absences of the governmental supportive mechanism' which should be 'absence of the governmental supportive mechanism'.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 7.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
While the essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, it leans heavily on longer, complex structures that can be hard to follow. For instance, 'the private sector’s handling of education, health, and safety net in the absences of the governmental supportive mechanism often makes these services out of reach for the poor people' could be broken down into shorter sentences for better readability.
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The sentence structure is mostly appropriate, but there are instances where clarity suffers. For example, 'the link between the development in these important sectors and overall country growth surge the need for the governments to impose strategic goals' is awkwardly phrased. It could be restructured for clarity: 'The link between development in these sectors and overall country growth underscores the need for governments to impose strategic goals.'
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
There are some inconsistencies in tense usage. For example, 'the education and health sectors in Yemen lacked the clear goals' should be 'have lacked' to maintain present relevance. Additionally, 'This is leads to social inequality' should be corrected to 'This leads to social inequality.'
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, 'the rub of political authorities, large number of whose people are destitute' lacks a comma after 'authorities' which would clarify the sentence structure. It should read: 'the rub of political authorities, a large number of whom are destitute.'
- 🟡 Major grammatical Errors are avoided
There are noticeable grammatical errors that hinder clarity. For instance, 'the private sector always prioritizes the immediate gains over strategic benefits' could be clearer as 'the private sector often prioritizes immediate gains over long-term strategic benefits.' Additionally, 'absences of the governmental supportive mechanism' should be 'absence of the governmental supportive mechanism.'
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Point out major concerns:

Sentence: The viewpoint that the governments have a sole responsibility in maintaining the infrastructure, army, and security, while the private sector ought to manage other essential services like health, education, and pension fund is contentious.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: The sentence does not clearly state the writer's position on the topic.
Correction: Clarify your stance explicitly at the beginning.
Explanation: A clear thesis statement is crucial for guiding the reader on your perspective regarding the topic.

Sentence: I believe that leaving crucial sectors such as health, education, and social safety net to private institutions will have a noticeable impact on the growth and development progress of the countries.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: The phrase "growth and development progress" is redundant.
Correction: Use either "growth" or "development."
Explanation: Redundancy can confuse readers; it's important to be concise.

Sentence: Therefore, the government’s neglect of the direct management of these sectors, leads to lack a concise plan and achieving clear outcomes in the long term.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect article usage ("a lack") and awkward phrasing ("achieving clear outcomes").
Correction: Change to "leads to a lack of concise planning"
Explanation: Proper article use is essential for grammatical accuracy; clarity in expression enhances understanding.

Sentence: This is because the private sector always prioritizes the immediate gains over strategic benefits.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The word "always" implies an absolute which may not be accurate.
Correction: Consider using "often" instead of "always."
Explanation: Using more moderate language can make arguments stronger by avoiding overgeneralization.

Sentence: In addition, the private sector’s handling of education, health, and safety net in the absences of the governmental supportive mechanism often makes these services out of reach for the poor people...
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect plural form ("absences" should be singular).
Correction: Change to "absence."
Explanation: Singular/plural agreement is vital for grammatical correctness.

Sentence: This is leads to social inequality...
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Redundant verb ("is leads").
Correction: Remove "is."
Explanation: Avoid redundancy in verb forms for clearer communication.

Sentence: For example, UN reports revolve that...
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Incorrect verb choice ("revolve").
Correction:"UN reports indicate that..."
Explanation:"Indicate" conveys information more accurately than "revolve."

Sentence:
Furthermore, absences of the governmental supportive mechanism make proportion of people deprived of these services due to economic disparities...
Error Type:
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error:
Incorrect article usage ("the proportion").
Correction:
Change to “the absence.”
Explanation:
Correct article use clarifies meaning.