Topic:

A friend you met last year has invited you to visit him/her in his/her country. You have never been there before and need some information before you leave.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: request advise about a gift for his/her family ask about activities and clothing in his/her country find out about the food

Essay:

Dear Farhan, I am writing this letter to inform you that I have confirmed my plan to visit your country and will be arriving on the 20th March. I would like to personally thank you for inviting me to your country and since I have never been to China, this will be a wonderful experience which I am looking forward to.

I am excited towards meeting your family and since this would be my first visit to your home, I like to bring a gift for your family. Please advise me on anything in particular which can be a decent option to gift for your family. I want to know more about the activities which I can perform while being in China. I have heard about the Great Wall of China and so if you can please do take me there. I Furthermore, I [Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.] am also not aware of the general clothing of your country, so if you can please suggest a suitable clothing which I should wear during my trip as to connect with the local people of your country. Further, I wanted to let you know that I am a muslim so , so [Punctuation Error; Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).; Checkout This Link] I can only eat halal food while I am in China so decide on some halal restaurants where we can eat some fine food. I am a big fan of Chinese food so do suggest some dishes which you believe I would enjoy.

I am excited towards my trip to China and further am really looking forward to meeting you. I Furthermore, I [Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.] will update you regarding my flight schedule and would like to wish you all the best in life.

Regards, Shayan Tahseen

6.0
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and Cohesion
6.0 - Lexical Resource
6.0 - Task Response
6.5 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
How to improve your band score?
Work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not fully developed. This would increase your Coherence Band from 5.5 to 7.0.
Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Ideas logically sequenced
- ✔️All paragraphs have central topic
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly. Repetitive use of 'I' and 'your' can be improved by using pronouns and transition words for better coherence.
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
There are instances where definite articles and pronouns could be used more effectively for referencing and substitution. For example, instead of repeating 'China' multiple times, pronouns like 'it' or 'the country' could be used for better cohesion.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The flow between paragraphs is not seamless. For instance, the transition from discussing activities and clothing to food could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- ❌ Proper Paragraphing
You need to work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not proportional and not fully developed. Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Complex phrasing used correctly
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
The student has used some collocations correctly, such as 'confirmed my plan' and 'halal food'. However, there are instances where collocations could be improved. For example, 'advise me on anything' should be 'advise me on something'. To enhance the use of collocations, the student can consider phrases like 'bring a gift' instead of 'bring a gift for'.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
The student has shown some variety in words, but there is room for improvement in avoiding repetition. For instance, 'excited' is repeated multiple times. To enhance word variety, synonyms like 'thrilled' or 'eager' can be used instead of 'excited'.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The vocabulary chosen generally fits the topic, but there are areas where it could be more precise and expressive. For example, instead of 'fine food', the student could use 'delicious cuisine'. To improve precision and expressiveness, the student can explore more descriptive vocabulary related to activities, clothing, and food in China.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Used appropriate grammar tenses
- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay lacks a variety of sentence structures. It mainly consists of simple sentences. To improve the overall quality of writing, incorporating more complex and compound sentences would enhance the flow and engagement of the reader. For instance, instead of using only simple sentences like 'I want to know more about the activities which I can perform while being in China,' consider combining ideas into a compound or complex sentence for better coherence and sophistication.
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some awkward phrasing and repetitive sentence structures. For example, 'I am excited towards meeting your family' could be improved to 'I am excited to meet your family.' To enhance the overall flow and clarity, varying sentence structures and avoiding repetitive phrases would be beneficial.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are instances where punctuation could be improved for better clarity and flow. For example, 'Please advise me on anything in particular which can be a decent option to gift for your family.' The use of a comma after 'particular' would enhance readability. Ensuring consistent and correct punctuation throughout the essay will improve the overall quality of writing.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: I like to bring a gift for your family.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The correct form should be "I would like to bring a gift for your family."
Correction: Replace "like" with "would like"
Explanation: Using "would like" expresses a polite request or desire more appropriately in this context.

Sentence: Please advise me on anything in particular which can be a decent option to gift for your family.
Error Type: Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: It should be "Please advise me on a suitable gift for your family."
Correction: Replace "anything in particular which can be a decent option to gift" with "a suitable gift"
Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and awkward. Simplifying it makes the request clearer and more concise.

Sentence: I have heard about the Great Wall of China and so if you can please do take me there.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: It should be "I have heard about the Great Wall of China, so could you please take me there?"
Correction: Add comma after "China", replace "if you can please do take me there" with "could you please take me there?"
Explanation: Adding a comma improves the flow of the sentence. Using "could you please" makes the request more polite.

Sentence: Further, I wanted to let you know that I am a muslim so I can only eat halal food while I am in China so decide on some halal restaurants where we can eat some fine food.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion, Task Response
Error: It should be split into two sentences - one stating dietary restrictions and another requesting suggestions for halal restaurants.
Correction:
1. Further, I wanted to let you know that I am Muslim, so I can only eat halal food while I am in China.
2. Could you recommend some halal restaurants where we can enjoy fine food?
Explanation: Separating the information into two sentences improves clarity and organization. The second sentence directly asks for the needed information.