A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.
Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Some people believe that earning a high income is more important than enjoying one’s job. I disagree with this view, as I think that job satisfaction is a crucial factor for one’s well-being and career development. In this essay, I will explain why I value job satisfaction over salary and provide some examples to support my opinion.
First of all First [Redundant Phrase; Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using an alternative.], job satisfaction is important for one’s mental and physical health. A person who is happy with their work is more likely to be motivated, productive, and creative. They are also less likely to suffer from stress, burnout, or depression, which can have negative effects on their health and relationships. For example, a recent study by Harvard University found that workers who were satisfied with their jobs had lower blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart rate than those who were dissatisfied. Therefore, job satisfaction can enhance one’s quality of life and well-being.
Secondly, job satisfaction is important for one’s career development and success. A person who is passionate about their work is more likely to learn new skills, seek new challenges, and achieve their goals. They are also more likely to have a positive reputation and network with other professionals in their field. For example, a famous entrepreneur, Steve Jobs, once said that the only way to do great work is to love what you do. He attributed his success to his passion and dedication to his work. Therefore, job satisfaction can foster one’s growth and potential.
In conclusion, I disagree that a big salary is more important than job satisfaction. I believe that job satisfaction is essential for one’s health and happiness, as well as for one’s career advancement and achievement. I think that people should pursue their interests and talents, rather than chase money and status.
Overall Band Score
6.5 - Lexical Resource
7.5 - Task Response
8.5 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 7.5
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.5
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 8.5
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Lack of clear transition between introduction and opinion statement.
Correction: Add a transition word or phrase to clearly introduce the opinion statement, such as "However," or "On the contrary,"
Explanation: Adding a transition word or phrase will improve the flow and coherence of the essay by signaling a shift in focus from presenting others' views to stating the writer's opinion.
Sentence: In this essay, I will explain why I value job satisfaction over salary and provide some examples to support my opinion.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Lack of specific preview of main points in thesis statement.
Correction: Include a brief preview of the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs, such as "Firstly, job satisfaction contributes to mental well-being. Secondly, it enhances career development."
Explanation: Providing a clear roadmap of the main points in the thesis statement helps guide the reader through the essay and improves overall coherence.
Sentence: For example, a recent study by Harvard University found that workers who were satisfied with their jobs had lower blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart rate than those who were dissatisfied.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Repetition of "satisfied" in close proximity.
Correction: Replace one instance of "satisfied" with a synonym like content or fulfilled.
Explanation: Using synonyms helps avoid redundancy and enhances lexical variety in writing.
Sentence: Therefore, job satisfaction can enhance one’s quality of life and well-being.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect use of possessive pronoun "one's".
Correction: Change "one's" to "their" for gender-neutral language.
Explanation: Using gender-neutral language is important for inclusivity and clarity in academic writing.
Overall, your essay demonstrates good arguments supporting your opinion on job satisfaction over salary. Just pay attention to coherence by adding transitions where needed, providing a clear preview of main points in your thesis statement, avoiding repetition through synonyms, and using gender-neutral language for accuracy.
Improved Rewritten Essay using Your Ideas
It is a common belief that a substantial salary holds more significance than job satisfaction. However, I firmly disagree with this notion, as I consider job contentment to be a pivotal element for personal well-being and professional growth. This essay will elucidate why I prioritize job satisfaction over monetary rewards and provide compelling examples to bolster my stance.
Primarily, job satisfaction plays a vital role in maintaining both mental and physical health. Individuals who derive pleasure from their work are inclined to exhibit higher levels of motivation, productivity, and creativity. Moreover, they are less susceptible to experiencing stress, burnout, or depression, all of which can detrimentally impact their overall health and interpersonal relationships. For instance, a recent research study conducted by Harvard University revealed that employees who reported high levels of job satisfaction exhibited lower blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and heart rates compared to their dissatisfied counterparts. Hence, job satisfaction serves as a catalyst for enhancing one's quality of life and overall well-being.
Furthermore, job satisfaction is instrumental in fostering career advancement and success. Individuals who harbor genuine passion for their profession are more inclined to acquire new skills, embrace challenges, and accomplish their objectives. Additionally, they are likely to cultivate a positive reputation within their industry and establish valuable connections with other professionals. For example, the renowned entrepreneur Steve Jobs once emphasized the importance of loving one's work as the key to achieving excellence. He attributed his remarkable success to his unwavering passion and commitment towards his vocation. Consequently, job satisfaction acts as a propeller for personal growth and unleashing one's full potential.
In conclusion, I firmly refute the notion that a hefty paycheck outweighs job satisfaction in importance. I firmly believe that job contentment is indispensable for both individual happiness and career progression. It is my conviction that individuals should pursue their passions and talents rather than being driven solely by financial gain or societal status.
Improved Sentences
- 1) Original:
Some people believe that earning a high income is more important than enjoying one’s job. - Improved: It is a common belief that a substantial salary holds more significance than job satisfaction.
- Reason: The improved sentence uses sophisticated vocabulary 'substantial' instead of 'high' income which enhances the lexical resource.
- 2) Original:
First of all, job satisfaction is important for one’s mental and physical health. - Improved: Primarily, job satisfaction plays a vital role in maintaining both mental and physical health.
- Reason: The improved sentence introduces coherence by transitioning smoothly from the introduction to the first supporting point using 'Primarily'.
- 3) Original:
In conclusion, I disagree that a big salary is more important than job satisfaction. - Improved: In conclusion, I firmly refute the notion that a hefty paycheck outweighs job satisfaction in importance.
- Reason: The improved sentence uses refined vocabulary 'hefty paycheck' instead of 'big salary' which elevates the lexical resource.
Suggested better vocabulary
- notion
- pivotal
- contentment
- bolster
- susceptible
- detrimentally
- catalyst
- inclined
- vocation
- pursue
- reputedly