Topic:

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Do you agree or disagree?

Essay:

Many people believe that earning a high income is more beneficial than contentment in the workplace. I strongly disagree with this view, because job gratification plays a very important role in an individual life.

When people experience work engagement, it can lead to lifelong well-being. If individuals find fulfillment and enjoyment in their work, it can positively impact their mental and emotional health. for For [This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.] instance, the sense of purpose and accomplishment derived from workplace contentment can enhance overall life satisfaction and happiness. In addition to this, professional well-being is closely linked to increased productivity and performance. Furthermore, this heightened individual success. On top of that, when people are satisfied with their job, people gravitate to feel increased motivation to perform tasks and achieve goals.

A lack of career satisfaction can have negative effects on professionalism. Firstly, creativity can disappear gradually due to financial dominance in working places. For example, when money becomes the primary motivation, and aim in workplaces workplaces, [Possible missing comma found.] individuals may prioritize financial gain over engaging in imaginative and innovative thinking. This can result in a lack of motivation to explore new ideas, take risks, and think outside the box. Secondly, employees may feel motivated if individuals' efforts and contributions are not recognized or appreciated by colleagues or superiors and this can lead to a decrease in the willingness to contribute.

To conclude, career fulfillment is more fundamental than large income. In this case, it can be true that a decent salary alone will not guarantee happiness.

7.0
Overall Band Score
7.0 - Coherence and Cohesion
7.5 - Lexical Resource
7.0 - Task Response
7.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
How to improve your band score?
Work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not fully developed. This would increase your Coherence Band from 7.0 to 8.0.
Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 7.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Variety of cohesive devices used
- ✔️Ideas logically sequenced
- ✔️All paragraphs have central topic
- ✔️Essay has clear flow
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
The essay lacks consistent use of referencing and substitution. For example, in Paragraph 2, 'it' is used without clear reference, leading to ambiguity. To improve, ensure pronouns and definite articles clearly refer to specific nouns for better clarity.
- ❌ Proper Paragraphing
You need to work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not proportional and not fully developed. Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 7.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Complex phrasing used correctly
- ✔️Variety of words used to prevent repetition
- ✔️The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
For example, in the sentence 'when people experience work engagement', the correct collocation should be 'work satisfaction' instead of 'work engagement'. To improve, the student can use 'work satisfaction' to maintain the correct collocation.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 7.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
- ✔️Used appropriate grammar tenses
- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some awkward sentence structures that could be improved for better clarity and coherence. For example, 'for instance, the sense of purpose and accomplishment derived from workplace contentment can enhance overall life satisfaction and happiness.' could be rephrased for better flow and coherence.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are some punctuation errors affecting the flow of the essay. For instance, 'Furthermore, this heightened individual success.' should have a comma after 'Furthermore' to improve clarity.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: Many people believe that earning a high income is more beneficial than contentment in the workplace. I strongly disagree with this view, because job gratification plays a very important role in an individual life.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion, Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: "an individual life"
Correction: "an individual's life"
Explanation: The possessive form "individual's" is needed to show possession.

Sentence: If individuals find fulfillment and enjoyment in their work, it can positively impact their mental and emotional health. for instance, the sense of purpose and accomplishment derived from workplace contentment can enhance overall life satisfaction and happiness.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: "for instance,"
Correction: Remove the comma after "health" and capitalize the first letter of the following sentence.
Explanation: A transition phrase like "for instance" should be followed by a comma, not preceded by one. The start of a new sentence should be capitalized.

Sentence: Furthermore, this heightened individual success. On top of that, when people are satisfied with their job, people gravitate to feel increased motivation to perform tasks and achieve goals.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Repetition of "people"
Correction: Replace one instance of "people" with another word like "individuals."
Explanation: Avoiding repetition enhances the clarity and flow of your writing.

Sentence: A lack of career satisfaction can have negative effects on professionalism. Firstly, creativity can disappear gradually due to financial dominance in working places.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: "working places"
Correction: Replace "working places" with "work environments."
Explanation: Using the term "work environments" is more appropriate in formal writing.

Sentence: For example, when money becomes the primary motivation, and aim in workplaces individuals may prioritize financial gain over engaging in imaginative and innovative thinking.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Missing article before "aim"
Correction:"the aim"
Explanation:"The aim" is needed before a noun to specify which aim is being referred to.

Sentence:"To conclude, career fulfillment is more fundamental than large income. In this case, it can be true that a decent salary alone will not guarantee happiness."
Error Type:
Error:
Correction:
Explanation:

Overall Feedback:
- Ensure consistency in using possessive forms like 'individual's.'
- Watch out for repetitive words or phrases within close proximity.
- Use appropriate terms like 'work environments' instead of 'working places.'
- Pay attention to articles like 'the' before nouns where necessary for clarity.