Topic:

2) Some people think that certain prisoners showed be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Essay:

Many robbers, murders, and others who do illegal works should be given punishment for the damage they have done to the population in a country. This punishment can be death sentence or prison. Many, who were put into prison, plan devious plans that gives give [Grammar Error; Possible subject-verb agreement error.] even more damage. Due to this, many argue that instead of bars, they should give public work for them, such as cleaning the streets, in order for them to understand more about their wrong doings. I completely agree with this thought.

Firstly, although some may work in the prison to clean or to cook, this can not give much of a lesson because most of the prisoners will not see the outside world and how kind people are. For example, if a robber was given a community work, they can see that some people come to give them water or food in the act of kindness. This will soften that robber’s heart and regret stealing things from people’s home. In conclusion, it is a brilliant idea to give community work to prisoners.

Secondly, the people in prison should go out for work because its is benefit for the community and for the prisoners themselves. Many people behind the bars live in a cold and dirty environment and will not have changes in prison. Going out, however, can help them see the outside world and how beautiful it is and , and [Punctuation Error; Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).; Checkout This Link] it can give some difference in the life of many murderers, or robbers. For instance, when a person goes out after a long time in prison, they will first go back doing what they used to do. However, if they had done hard work on the streets with beautiful environment, they will start doing similar things for the better of the country. To conclude, the hard work for the better of the community can help prisoners find these kinds of tasks after they are released.

To summarize, I agree with the statement that community work is better instead of sitting behind the bars for years.

5.5
Overall Band Score
5.0 - Coherence and Cohesion
5.5 - Lexical Resource
5.5 - Task Response
6.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
How to improve your band score?
Work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not fully developed. This would increase your Coherence Band from 5.0 to 5.5.
Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
The essay uses some cohesive devices like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly', but they are limited. Additionally, phrases like 'for example' and 'in conclusion' are repeated. To improve, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices such as 'Moreover', 'In addition', or 'Furthermore' to connect ideas more effectively.
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
There are instances where pronouns could be used more effectively. For example, in Paragraph 2, instead of repeating 'the robber', you could use 'he' or 'they' after the first mention. This would enhance the flow and reduce redundancy.
- 🟡 Ideas logically sequenced
While the ideas are generally sequenced, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing community work's impact on prisoners to its benefits for the community feels abrupt. A linking sentence could help bridge these ideas more clearly.
- 🟡 All paragraphs have central topic
Paragraph 2 introduces multiple ideas about community work's impact on prisoners without a clear topic sentence. It would benefit from a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph, such as 'Community work can significantly change prisoners' perspectives.'
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The flow between paragraphs is somewhat disjointed. For example, the conclusion of Paragraph 2 does not lead smoothly into Paragraph 3. A transitional phrase could help connect these ideas better, making the overall message easier to follow.
- ❌ Proper Paragraphing
You need to work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not proportional and not fully developed. Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
The phrase 'illegal works' is not commonly used; 'illegal activities' would be more appropriate. Additionally, 'devious plans that gives' should be 'devious plans that give' to match the plural subject.
- 🟡 Complex phrasing used correctly
The expression 'this can not give much of a lesson' could be more effectively phrased as 'this may not provide significant lessons'. The phrase 'soften that robber’s heart' is somewhat awkward; a better option could be 'soften the robber's heart'.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
The essay frequently uses the word 'prisoners' and 'robbers', leading to repetition. Alternatives like 'offenders' or 'criminals' could enhance variety.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The term 'brilliant idea' is somewhat informal for an academic essay; a more precise term like 'effective approach' would be better suited.
- 🟡 Spelling and word formation used correctly
There are several spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'its is benefit' which should be 'it is beneficial', and 'changes in prison' should be 'change in prison'.
- 🟡 Formal language used
The phrase 'brilliant idea' and the use of 'kind people' can come off as too casual for an academic essay. A more formal tone would enhance the writing.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay primarily uses simple and compound sentences, but lacks complex sentences that could enhance the argument. For example, instead of 'if a robber was given a community work,' it could be 'if a robber were given community work, they might experience kindness that could change their perspective.'
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some awkward sentence structures, such as 'this can not give much of a lesson' which could be rephrased for clarity. A more effective structure could be 'this does not provide a significant lesson.'
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
There are instances of incorrect tense usage, such as 'its is benefit' which should be 'it is beneficial.' Additionally, the use of past tense in 'they will first go back doing what they used to do' could be improved for clarity.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
Punctuation is inconsistent, particularly with commas. For example, in 'the hard work for the better of the community can help prisoners find these kinds of tasks after they are released,' a comma before 'can' would improve readability.
- 🟡 Major grammatical Errors are avoided
There are noticeable grammatical errors, such as 'murders' instead of 'murderers' and 'illegal works' which should be 'illegal activities.' These errors can hinder the overall communicative value.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Point out major concerns:

Sentence: Many robbers, murders, and others who do illegal works should be given punishment for the damage they have done to the population in a country.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: The phrase "illegal works" is vague and does not clearly convey the types of crimes being referred to.
Correction: Specify types of crimes more clearly.
Explanation: Using specific terms like "criminal activities" or "offenses" would enhance clarity and precision in your argument.

Sentence: This punishment can be death sentence or prison.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Missing article before "death sentence."
Correction: Add an article before "death sentence."
Explanation: It should read "the death sentence" to indicate a specific type of punishment.

Sentence: Many, who were put into prison, plan devious plans that gives even more damage.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect verb form; "gives" should be plural to match the subject.
Correction: Change "gives" to "give."
Explanation: The subject “plans” is plural, so the verb must also be plural.

Sentence: Due to this, many argue that instead of bars, they should give public work for them...
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: The phrase “instead of bars” is unclear; it could confuse readers about what is meant by “bars.”
Correction: Rephrase for clarity on what “bars” refers to.
Explanation: Clarifying that you mean imprisonment will improve understanding.

Sentence: ...in order for them to understand more about their wrong doings.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The term “wrong doings” is informal; it should be one word as “wrongdoing.”
Correction: Use “wrongdoing.”
Explanation: Using the correct term enhances formal tone appropriate for academic writing.

Sentence: For example, if a robber was given a community work...
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect use of past tense; it should use subjunctive mood since it's hypothetical.
Correction: Change “was” to “were.”
Explanation: In hypothetical situations, we use the subjunctive mood which requires 'were' instead of 'was.'

Sentence: ...this can not give much of a lesson because most of the prisoners will not see the outside world...
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The phrase "can not" is often written as one word in modern English usage.
Correction: Write as “cannot.”
Explanation:"Cannot" is the standard spelling in contemporary English.

Sentence:
...and will not have changes in prison.
Error Type:
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error:
The phrase "will not have changes" is awkwardly phrased.
Correction:
Rephrase as “will not experience change.”
Explanation:
This rephrasing improves clarity and fluency.

Sentence:
To conclude, the hard work for the better of the community can help prisoners find these kinds of tasks after they are released.
Error Type:
Coherence and Cohesion
Error:
The connection between hard work benefiting both community and prisoners needs clearer articulation.
Correction:
Clarify how hard work directly benefits both parties.
Explanation:
Strengthening this link will enhance coherence in your conclusion.

Overall Summary Sentence:
To summarize, I agree with the statement that community work is better instead of sitting behind the bars for years.
Error Type:
Task Response
Error:
The phrase "better instead of sitting behind bars" lacks depth in argumentation.
Correction:
Elaborate on why community work is preferable.
Explanation:
Providing more reasoning will strengthen your overall argumentation.