2) Some people think that certain prisoners showed be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Essay:Many robbers, murders, and others who do illegal works should be given punishment for the damage they have done to the population in a country. This punishment can be death sentence or prison. Many, who were put into prison, plan devious plans that gives give [Grammar Error; Possible subject-verb agreement error.] even more damage. Due to this, many argue that instead of bars, they should give public work for them, such as cleaning the streets, in order for them to understand more about their wrong doings. I completely agree with this thought.
Firstly, although some may work in the prison to clean or to cook, this can not give much of a lesson because most of the prisoners will not see the outside world and how kind people are. For example, if a robber was given a community work, they can see that some people come to give them water or food in the act of kindness. This will soften that robber’s heart and regret stealing things from people’s home. In conclusion, it is a brilliant idea to give community work to prisoners.
Secondly, the people in prison should go out for work because its is benefit for the community and for the prisoners themselves. Many people behind the bars live in a cold and dirty environment and will not have changes in prison. Going out, however, can help them see the outside world and how beautiful it is and , and [Punctuation Error; Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).; Checkout This Link] it can give some difference in the life of many murderers, or robbers. For instance, when a person goes out after a long time in prison, they will first go back doing what they used to do. However, if they had done hard work on the streets with beautiful environment, they will start doing similar things for the better of the country. To conclude, the hard work for the better of the community can help prisoners find these kinds of tasks after they are released.
To summarize, I agree with the statement that community work is better instead of sitting behind the bars for years.
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Lexical Resource
5.5 - Task Response
6.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
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Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.0
Lexical Resource Feedback - 5.5
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.0
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: Many robbers, murders, and others who do illegal works should be given punishment for the damage they have done to the population in a country.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: The phrase "illegal works" is vague and does not clearly convey the types of crimes being referred to.
Correction: Specify types of crimes more clearly.
Explanation: Using specific terms like "criminal activities" or "offenses" would enhance clarity and precision in your argument.
Sentence: This punishment can be death sentence or prison.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Missing article before "death sentence."
Correction: Add an article before "death sentence."
Explanation: It should read "the death sentence" to indicate a specific type of punishment.
Sentence: Many, who were put into prison, plan devious plans that gives even more damage.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect verb form; "gives" should be plural to match the subject.
Correction: Change "gives" to "give."
Explanation: The subject “plans” is plural, so the verb must also be plural.
Sentence: Due to this, many argue that instead of bars, they should give public work for them...
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: The phrase “instead of bars” is unclear; it could confuse readers about what is meant by “bars.”
Correction: Rephrase for clarity on what “bars” refers to.
Explanation: Clarifying that you mean imprisonment will improve understanding.
Sentence: ...in order for them to understand more about their wrong doings.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The term “wrong doings” is informal; it should be one word as “wrongdoing.”
Correction: Use “wrongdoing.”
Explanation: Using the correct term enhances formal tone appropriate for academic writing.
Sentence: For example, if a robber was given a community work...
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect use of past tense; it should use subjunctive mood since it's hypothetical.
Correction: Change “was” to “were.”
Explanation: In hypothetical situations, we use the subjunctive mood which requires 'were' instead of 'was.'
Sentence: ...this can not give much of a lesson because most of the prisoners will not see the outside world...
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The phrase "can not" is often written as one word in modern English usage.
Correction: Write as “cannot.”
Explanation:"Cannot" is the standard spelling in contemporary English.
Sentence:
...and will not have changes in prison.
Error Type:
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error:
The phrase "will not have changes" is awkwardly phrased.
Correction:
Rephrase as “will not experience change.”
Explanation:
This rephrasing improves clarity and fluency.
Sentence:
To conclude, the hard work for the better of the community can help prisoners find these kinds of tasks after they are released.
Error Type:
Coherence and Cohesion
Error:
The connection between hard work benefiting both community and prisoners needs clearer articulation.
Correction:
Clarify how hard work directly benefits both parties.
Explanation:
Strengthening this link will enhance coherence in your conclusion.
Overall Summary Sentence:
To summarize, I agree with the statement that community work is better instead of sitting behind the bars for years.
Error Type:
Task Response
Error:
The phrase "better instead of sitting behind bars" lacks depth in argumentation.
Correction:
Elaborate on why community work is preferable.
Explanation:
Providing more reasoning will strengthen your overall argumentation.